How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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