I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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