i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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