Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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