i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
