I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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