I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
