i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
