your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
