Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
