Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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