this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
