I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
