I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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