i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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