naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
