1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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