accomplished twins. life is a go
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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