I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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