I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nicole vs. Life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
