I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
