i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
