I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
birth control should be required to get into college
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
