So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you would pick up someone in the library
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
