Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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