no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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