Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
