1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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