I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
