Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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