My first STD was from a foam party
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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