You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
