I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
