Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
