she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
