Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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