Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
