I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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