my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
