you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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