Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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