I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
