stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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