I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
