You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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