it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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