Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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