covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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