So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
