Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
