Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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