When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
