Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
