I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
