I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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