We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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