Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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