I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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