You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no, he came in my armpit
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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