I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
