I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
