i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
