onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
