Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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