Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
