Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
