i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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