help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
